Well I’m back y’all! Miss vibing & free-versing with each and every one of you!! My writing hiatus has come to an abrupt end; and I only wish first topic on my mind, bursting to be blogged out, was not about our country’s unfortunate state of affairs..Hang on to your hats and buckle UP because I’ve got alot to say on the Trump-inspired-torch-carrying-hate-filled-White Supremist-violent/deadly-rampage that happened last weekend at the University of Virginia ~~~2 B Continued This Weekend~~
Weak apology or not..Mind you only after public outcry..This was a BOLD openly racist reference..We all know Boston isn’t known for being especially “kind” to folks of color..The Boston Herald just figured they’d “test” the waters to see if this sentiment would fly under the radar..It didn’t! There is a line that should be drawn even with humor..
I’ve kept UP with the murder of Jonathon Ferrell..BLACK/24 years old/Worked TWO jobs to put himself through college/Shot DEAD 10 times by a Charlotte police officer in September 2013…Former FAMU student/football had recently transferred schools to be near his fiancé in Charlotte..Shot 10 TIMES by Officer Kerrick after being in a car accident & walking to a near by home for help..Sound familiar??? Yesterday the grand jury decided NOT to indict officer Randall Kerrick..Ferrell had NO weapon & Officer Kerrick claims he was assaulted by UNKNOWN means..The Attorney General’s office is re-submitting the voluntary manslaughter charges..The family of Jonathon Ferrell is ‘skeptical” about getting justice..I don’t blame them! It is target season on Black males in America! I thought long and hard about writing a piece on this, to vent out how I feel about it..Then I ran across a piece by another mother(& a lawyer) that says it ALL & far better than I’m capable of doing..It is highly personal to me..Last year I called all 3 of my Black sons; and begged them NOT to wear a hoodie! THAT IS BEYOND RIDICULOUS; but its true. And I’m not ashamed to admit it. I’m ashamed this is OUR reality in America. I’m dropping the link for the piece Shanikka wrote for The Kos..She wrote it 2 years ago & the senseless, race-incited murders(& NO justice..) are still happening..Until more people stand UP & let it be known this isn’t right; it won’t end. Stop the violence. Make stricter gun laws or BAN them. STOP KILLING OUR BLACK MALES!!!
By now most of y’all have heard of the case of Tampa’s John Andrew Weldon..Son of a prominent fertility doctor; who CHOSE to forge a prescription from his Father for the drug , Misoprostol.(also known as the abortion pill) What can only be described as a CLEAR case of premeditated murder..Weldon coaxed his girlfriend into taking the pill; LYING to her in telling her it was an antibiotic..For whatever his reasons were(so his ‘other’ current girlfriend wouldn’t discover pregnancy..) I find it beyond horrific & appalling..The nerve! First count? Forging a prescription. Second count? Making it HIS choice without regard to someone else’s body.. I could list a third count but I’m going to be stop myself short of going off on a rant..NOTHING about this character impresses me. And his Father had the cojones after the verdict today, GUILTY/GUILTY/GUILTY(because it was proven the abortion pill did indeed cause the miscarriage) , of saying he’s going to pray for a miracle..A miracle for his son to be allowed to have an ordinary & successful life. Wow! Wrong, wrong, wrong on so many levels..It is no secret that I’m a liberated feminist woman who believes in pro-choice..I just also happen to be the elated Ma/Moms/Mom of 3 young brothers; I couldn’t imagine my life or my world without them in it. However, at the beginning and end of every , single day it should rightfully BE a woman’s choice what to do with or about HER body. A man’s choice? Do NOT have SEX with a woman who you don’t wish to become the potential mother of his children. Period. There is NO gray area on this matter. Until men can bring life into the world, that is simply what it is. I’ve had debates over the years with men who feel otherwise..Thankfully none of them were my man, whew! The solution is simple enough and I’ve made dang sure I’ve preached it to my still children-less sons…DO NOT SEX ANYONE YOU DON’T WISH TO POTENTIALLY MOTHER YOUR SEED. I held my breath though waiting for this ruling to come about..An ugly precedent would’ve been set had the ruling been not-guilty. Couldn’t be more elated that this woman’s rights were acknowledged. Tiny step forward amidst a time in history when women’s rights are otherwise in jeopardy
DISclaimer: This post isn’t meant to offend any woman out there experiencing symptoms of Menopause..I’m sharing this in the spirit of sharing & hopefully enlightening others going through IT..My best cure at this moment and many moments of my life ; is to use humor. IF not at this point??? I’d probably spend this entire day in tears(hormones & emotions are literally all over the place today..) But I just refuse to sink down to that level..I’m from good stock and that simply isn’t an option! )
So hang onto your cap, hats, wigs & weaves folks cause I am truly ON one today..Here I go>>
I had to cancel ALL of my plans for last night & today..I am SO not happy about that! Heck, I was supposed to go skating for the first time in years tonight(and Lord knows I was looking forward to that!) Had to pay my respects to a loved one last night; I missed that! I was due a candle-lit gourmet dinner tomorrow night & more than likely I’ll have to cancel..Ugh! Dayuuuum! *SIGH* All I can barely manage on this day is keeping still as possible..I can’t lie; half the day I’ve been butt-naked. Next minute?? I’m scrambling to lay under my blankets & comforters..Don’t know whether I’m coming or going today..Fighting tears; for what?? Everything! Next minute? I can’t stop laughing at stupid commercials..My thoughts/emotions are flowing from A to Z..One minute? I’m combing the internet looking for a puppy I can adopt..STOP myself mid-keystroke..I really don’t want to have to curb my busy lifestyle to tend to a pet..BUT awwww I could love on him & pet him & walk him. Willing myself to STOP those thoughts..Next minute? I’m combing the internet to find solutions to these symptoms..Lawd, right now I am HATING menopause!>>
The facts are indisputable..Menopause symptoms are REAL. Though there was a time in our history, that it was perceived that women were just crazy..That mayhaps women were dreaming UP these symptoms..I recall not understanding years back when my Mom went through THIS..One minute she was hot & the next cold..I didn’t take it seriously nor did I realize how gracefully she endured..Let the record SHOW; I apologize Mama. I believe !>>
75% of women will experience menopause symptoms in their lives..That is alot of chicks! Yet the most effective cure is risky ..Estrogen therapy IS now associated with breast cancer & heart attacks. WtF? So either a woman has to take a chance of those two BAD options; just to feel GOOD /normal/100%/like herself??? Pfft! Three months ago before my full-hysterectomy, I vowed I’d wing this without hormonal replacement..After all I’ve birthed sons sans meds so I can DO it! BUT that was before the hot flashes began to hit..And now they’re increasing & intensifying..OMG oh the wondrous joys of being a woman!>>
For anyone that hasn’t experienced a hot flash..IF you’re a woman odds ARE; one day you will. Know what it feels like? Feels like all of a sudden you’re ON FIRE from the inside out..And it hits suddenly; and slowly runs its course. It is said MAX length of one is 5 minutes..But honestly? I’m willing to bet no woman going through one has timed it..Feels like an eternity! When mine first started I used to try to play it off..I get surprised mid-sentence; all of a sudden just HOT as hell. But people always noticed anyways, lol. It is tough to look “cool” when your body is on fire. Now? I don’t even try to fake it..I announce it@ Look I’m going through a flash so give me a minute to melt.Shiiiiit. >>
I’ve got questions..WHY is it that women have suffered/dealt with menopause since the beginning of time; yet there isn’t a practical, safe solution? WHY is it we have to go through this trial & error stuff? WHY is it products we’re told help? Later polls/surveys discover they’re NOT helping? Example= Soy products. WHY is it antidepressants is listed as a viable solution?? I’m NOT going on drugs to make me a walking zombie..Plus women are then addicted to those! I don’t need a mood enhancer..My MOOD was fine before I was going through dizzy hot spells..WHY is it women at younger & younger ages are experiencing menopause symptoms? (I know women in their late 20s & 30s who have..) WHY is it SO many women are getting ovarian cysts & fibroids? (thus making hysterectomy necessary) Could it BE all of the chemicals they’re pumping INTO our meats/foods? Hmmmmmm…WHY can’t we take money from the Space Program & instead INVEST in women’s health??? Truth IS majority of us can’t afford a round-trip ticket to outer-space. BUT we all know a woman we want to be healthy & happy, right? Aging is normal..And when Momma is happy; everyone is happy. And when she isn’t…she is doing a heck of a job COPING. Oh, the joys of being a woman. WE can and WILL do this! >>
So far what I’ve learned..There ARE things a woman can do to cope with menopause naturally…Drink less caffeine. Much as I love my coffee; post-surgery I’ve cut down alot..Alot. Drink more water. I practice but am amping up my amount..Drink more green raw veggies..I thankfully have been doing this for almost 2 years..Never knew it was good for menopause symptoms..It IS..I’ll be amping up my amount..Exercise! I already do; but will be amping up the amount of exercise I do..I learned today it is the BEST solution to menopause symptoms..Even when ‘ya feel like shit & don’t feel the energy to lift your ass out of horizontal position(which is the position I’ve been in most of this day) Get UP and exercise..I used my lightweights & hoola hoop today; although I feel like warmed over crap-O-la..If I can do it; everyone can. Eat more beans, fruits, miso soup…I’ve read thousands of posts online about how women cope with menopause; sans drugs/meds. Macrobiotic diet is something I’m soon going to try a couple days a week. Will update y’all to let you know how it feels. Yoga also seems to work for a great deal of women..Honestly, this is something I dabbled in earlier this year & then forgot about it. If its working for anyone reading this, feel free to share your experience..Matter of fact ; I’d like to hear feedback from anyone reading any menopause remedies..Venting this out has made me feel alot better! I knew it would. Will probably be back to my hyper-energized self tomorrow..This too shall/WILL pass>>Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)
Alright here we go that age OLD question@ Do MEN prefer beauty or brains when they chose their significant other? Or better yet IF y’all had to choose one or the other, beauty or brains, which would you choose when choosing your lady? And yep, this question is for men only. The topic came up with a male friend of mine & his response blew my hair back! Not that I was born yesterday nor am I naïve; I just thought things might have changed by now. Haven’t they? >>
Now I clearly understand the biological makeUP of men is different from women.. I get that! Men were created to have a strong drive to procreate with as many women as possible..Google it if you don’t believe me. And backintheday when I was a tad bit younger(and dating guys the same age..); I half expected the motives of men to be somewhat fueled by the above fact. Matter of fact like many other little girls my Daddy taught me long ago @ ‘ What most guys truly desire is what is between your legs..’ But , but doesn’t that change as we age, evolve and progress? In my heart of hearts , and this might sound naïve, I thought(or so I’ve been told by my suitors & exhusband) that when a man looks to choose his woman; he’s looking for far more than just SEX. Isn’t that the case for the majority of men? Let me take this one step further..>>
I love being a woman. Every single thing about being a woman..In the dictionary next to the word feminine should be a picture of ME. My favorite color is pink. I dig wearing dresses/skirts/and ultra feminine clothes during the week..All woman. Then again I also dig jumping in to my jeans & getting my strut ON. BUT just as men probably don’t want women to envision them as a big, fat wallet..I’d like to NOT just be thought of as just a pretty face. Long ago I recall a remark my Momma made..Right now I can’t recall who she was talking to; but I’ve never forgotten it. She said @’I am much more than just a pretty face you know!’ Exclamation mark. Period>>
So whats the scoop guys? And give up the non-censored straight-no-chaser answer..Because inquiring minds(all the women reading this…) really want to know. And us single ones; could truly use a heads UP for insight to how men think these days. Your opinion matters so the floor is yours..
Before I sink my teeth into this topic 1st keep in mind I added UNSOLICITED advice..That is the only hint at a disclaimer I’ll include with this one..One thing that really chaps my fanny? To witness someone/ANYone/Lots of folks; ruining something that I long for..And somebody has to say IT; so it might as well be lil ol me. MARRIED FOLKS IN THIS GENERATION ARE GIVING MARRIAGE A BAD NAME. Y’all ready for this? Here I come with both barrels loaded>>
Main reason I’m on “one”? I’ve tired, naw tyeeed , of getting hit on by married men! I’ll explain more about that in a short bit..First the positively positive proof that things have gone awry with the marriage game is the grand prize winner..Tiger Woods. OMG What the heck was Tiger even thinking by getting hitched??? I actually lost count(cause I was so disappointed in Tiger I stopped reading about the scandal..) of the amount of women he cheated with during his marriage..But it was ALOT. Jeeeeez all he did was make t his ex-wife richer than she ever could’ve dreamed of! Did she drop those 2 kids fast or what?!? Something tells me though she knew exactly what type of man she married..Sorry Tiger ‘I loves ya Bro’ , however, your actions were beyond LAME. Enough said>>
Now many of us have met folks we KNEW were in bad marriages..Or at least what “we” define as a bad marriage..Usually involving domestic violence or cheating..Personally I consider cheating in the top 2 reasons I’d seriously consider divorce.(been there done that..) Apparently these days though either spouses are: a. turning a VERY blind eye to their cheating spouse’s activities OR b. also cheating..The even weirder thing? I’ve heard of folks getting cheated on multiple times before marriage & STILL walking down the isle..I just don’t get IT>>
Don’t get me wrong for I can TOTALLY understand that married folks love SEX..Sex, in my humble opinion, is one of the most natural human urges we possess. 2nd only to consuming food/water..However, hows about using some DISCIPLINE? Dang! For some that are celibate due to vocation(priests, nuns, etc..) or due to waiting it out(more like toughing it out at this point) in pursuit of quality over quantity; its been proven that discipline sexually can be achieved. Bottom line IS if you can’t keep your pants/panties ON while married : a. don’t leave the house ! b. don’t get married c. be honest with spouse & give them the option of leaving your fanny(cause truth is these days being promiscuous is downright dangerous) >>
Back to how this impacts me..I believe in monogamy. I believe in marriage..Exclamation mark. Period. I’ll openly admit BOTH of those institutions(for lack of a better word right now..) are very difficult to maintain..Its hard to walk a straight line; my fingers are trembling at the thought even as I typed that..Nevertheless I stand as a witness(my parents marriage of 52 yrs & counting..) and from my own personal experience that when maintained in a mutual healthy manner? Monogamous marriage IS the ultimate love relationship in every possible way. Backintheday folks took their marriage vows to heart @ Till death do us part/For better or worse/In sickness & health & of course ‘What GOD has joined no man can divide’..Somewhere in those vows I’d like to believe that didn’t include a laundry list of other partners like Tiger..Didn’t it? Or have marriages always been soiled with serial cheating? As usual my questions invoke more questions..>>
Having said all the above..WHY is it that all the HOT guys these days are MARRIED? Lawd! I can’t be the only one that notices this..And WHY aren’t their marriage bands soldered onto their fingers?!? Better yet they should have a big, fat tattoo on their forehead that says ‘I AM MARRIED’. Better yet hows about married men just STOP hitting on single women? Go figure it could actually be that simple. The part that is truly deceptive is approaching a single woman/acting single/she has no clue/& then gets slammed couple hours into the conversation with “I really dig you. Alot! But I’m sort of married” WOW talk about false advertising..IF I were POTUS the first law I’d put into place? ALL MARRIED PEOPLE MUST WEAR THEIR WEDDING BANDS>>
The more I think about it this must be a Southern ‘thang…Honestly? It wasn’t something I recall having to deal with on the West Coast..Could that possibly mean there were more faithful married guys there? Hmmmm Is it something in the tropical air that makes guys FORGET they have a wife at home? Or is the new norm for marriage? I most certainly hope it isn’t because I, for one, am so looking forward to marriage again..One last time for the rest of this life journey..I’m sure I’ll turn a blind eye to most of my next husband’s faults..For I fall short of perfection myself..BUT if he ever ‘EVA tries to walk out of the house without his wedding band on?!? I’ll let y’all figure out what my solution will be to that scenario. And that’s the end of my rant/vent ..Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever Sincere, Berna(the 1 & Only)
*crickets chirping* No comments from the peanut gallery? I’d love to read comments from the happily married folks out there..And because I enjoy learning from an array of viewpoints; I’d love to hear from earlier serial cheaters..Or even folks who have cheated once & learned from the experience..Heck, I wouldn’t mind reading comments from someone/anyone who is now cheating..ALL comments/viewpoints will be respected ; I promise..Most of all I’m curious IS marriage still the IN thing? Or has it become an outdated tradition? Come on folks sound off & lets rap>>
..As time progresses post-the-VERDICT I’m absolutely astonished at the number of white folks across America(from reading blogs/news clips/articles) who are saying they just did NOT know racism still exists here..Whoa, WOW and Really?! I wonder where they were when the OVERwhelming amount of blatantly RACIST slurs, depictions & cartoon caricatures ; were splattered ALL over the Net during the past 2 Presidential Elections. (Not to mention the OPENLY racist comments of utter disrespect to President Obama from his D.C. peers) How in the heck did y’all miss all that?!? Led me to believe that the old adage/cliché is true..In life all of us “see” what we want to see; and ignore the rest. Some of us , are afforded the luxury, of being able to do that more than others. Personally? As a very proud Black American I’m here to profess WE have to keep our eyes , ears, and even our bodily pores! open & alert at ALL times…Fair? Nope, but it IS the way it is in America. Even in the 2013>>
^ EXACTLY what does this T-shirt mean? Want OUR country back from what? Or WHO? Again, I just can’t understand how White folks can say! they didn’t know racism was still alive and well in our country..These Tshirt slogans were EVERYwhere..Whatever did y’all think they referred to???
^ I’ll never forget the first time I saw the above bumper sticker..Only thought my eyes were playing tricks on me! WtF..I knew then, that with folks boasting this type of bumper sticker on their cars(And most of the cars I saw these on had kids IN the car..) things were going to get worse for Black America; before they got better. IF anyone thought that just because a Black brother was elected for the 1st time in American history was going to ERASE the evil, UGLY history of racism in our country…Then you’re totally clueLESS and UNplugged from reality. One positive thing though that I do recognize has happened post-the-verdict? The race conversation has once again begun…Which leads me to a blog post I saw earlier today>>
..I can fully appreciate any/all opinions; even those that differ from mine..However, in regards to this Trayvon situation(or any other..) I will never post something that I am cognizant is offensive to others..Having said that earlier I read a post today which I responded to here on WordPress..Twice. The author “chose”(and we all have choices on what we post or not here) not to post my second response to hers…SO here is “my” version(because all any of us can do is speak from our viewpoint) of what transpired. First, of all I do NOT understand why White folks feel the need; to try to one UP racism . You can not. There is NOTHING in comparison that folks that are NOT of color face..A Sista who also responded to the blog post I’m referring to; said pretty much the same thing. And she was just as frustrated with the author’s post as I was..IF not more so. The author of said blog post was titled, ‘ I am not Trayvon; but i AM the woman on the elevator’ . At first I figured I’d be reading an open thought process of what her position was. I tried really hard to see where she was coming from..BUT what she basically said in a nutshell? Is that when a Black man gets on an elevator she FEARS being raped…I can appreciate the honesty of her thoughts. And I am HIGHLY elated such thoughts are being put out into the public..Why? Because it gives ALL Americans Black and White and INside peek into how someone with racist thoughts; thinks. And yet? She didn’t see her thought process as being racist..Or how it could be offensive. That WOWed me & blew my hair back! I’ll take that one step further..IF said author had also expressed that she felt the SAME way when ANY “man” stepped on an elevator? Then just mayhaps that wouldn’t have been as offensive to non-racist folks…Still offensive; but only a tad tiny bit. IF there is such a thing! I felt my 2nd response to her response was civil yet forthright expressing my opinion..My opinion from the stance of being a Black woman who just also happens to have been born American..And also as a mother of 3 BLACK heckfied sons/daughter of an outstanding Black Daddy/ex-wife of an excellent Black Father/Friend/exgirlfriend of the MOST supreme Black Alpha man who just also happens to be a good person through & through..And newsflash? NONE of them or the host of other good Black men that I know; would even desire to “rape” YOU or any other woman(white or not) when y’all step into an elevator! They’re just simply trying to get to the next floor(s)..But where this notion that ALL Black men want White women comes from I will never KNOW..Somebody LIED to y’all..Not only that ; to bring up something as God awful as rape immediately into one’s mind??? OMG don’t even get me started on the “rape issue”..Just let the message sink in..ALL BLACK MEN ARE NOT LUSTFUL CREATURES SIMPLY LOOKING TO JUMP YOUR BONES. Trust and believe that. Exclamation mark. Period.>>
..I wonder, briefly, if the negative images of Black men/women are taught at birth! Or IF its something that is portrayed SO much by the media; that White folks end up thinking its true..Perhaps it is a combination of both..Regardless of how the seed is planted; the plant that has grown? It IS one that must DIE. If it doesn’t die off soon more Black parents are certainly at risk ; of losing their children just as Trayvon’s parents did. My Priest said something just this morning in an off-handed way regarding ‘the verdict’..It brought tears to my eyes! Here was a man who will never have children; who was telling his parish watch over your children!(majority of our church is Black) KNOW where your children are at ALL times! Keep them safe…The verdict has many people, even those who aren’t parents, wary..Can anyone reading this imagine; in addition to all of the natural worries of a parent, HEAPING onto that pile this additional concern? DON’T BUY YOUR CHILD A HOODIE. TELL YOUR CHILDREN DON’T WALK IN A PREDOMINANTELY WHITE NEIGHBORHOOD ALONE. DON’T LOOK SUSPICIOUS WHILE WALKING BLACK..(how in the heck is that mastered???) The list of don’t-DO’s for Black children is growing & growing..This is SHAMEful in America in 2013!!!>>
I’ve said before, and I’ll say it one ‘mo time, its my belief that people have more in common; than different. I honestly believe it is the LACK of getting to know other cultures/backgrounds; that keeps folks ‘in the closet’..There are folks in America , especially in the South, who have never traveled outside of their city! So it is only common logical sense their viewpoints might be “limited”..What people who aren’t well-traveled might not realize? The last statistic I could find about the percentage of White folks in the World…8 % White 92% Non-White..Only in America, and that percentage also is changing rapidly, are White folks the majority..But it won’t be long before that is no longer the case. I would like to think ; now is just as good a time as any; to start to try to learn other cultures/learn some understanding & tolerance/stop trying to ignore racism or one UP it when Black folks are expressing their pain/angst..It is high time for folks to link up and let the past truly be a thing of the past. WE can’t do that as long as we’re still being impacted by the “chains” of the past…
(NOTE TO ALL WHO HAVE/WILL ATTEMPT TO LEAVE A FUNKY , UGLY COMMENT ABOUT THE TRAYVON “SITUATION”: I will NOT publish your posts. As the sole author of this blog; I’ve reserved the RIGHT to not post such vile negativity. A young man LOST his life; in *respect* of his life this real TOPIC will only be discussed on MY blog in a respectful manner. I will, however, VOICE my opinion about aforementioned “attempted” nonpublishable-on-Berna’s-blogsite..David Simon is NOT a reverse racist! I could go on to say that reverse racism can NOT & does NOT exist; but I won’t waste the keystrokes or my precious time..)
DISCLAIMER= I hate adding disclaimers..Because I believe folks should be able to interpret things; in the manner in which they’re meant to be interpreted. BUT since that isn’t always what happens in life; I find myself(especially with what I’m about to post) compelled to add a disclaimer. I’m publishing the words verbatim from the comments of “The Wire” creator. David Simon. The Wire, has been acclaimed recently as the #1 series of ALL time/inspired professors to teach about it in college classes/& lauded as an American storytelling masterpiece. The comments I’m quoting him on are HOT; about the Trayvon verdict..But honestly? I couldn’t agree with him more! And I applaud him for having the courage to tell it like it “TIS..In my opinion it will take MORE people who aren’t BLACK; yet who feel this way; to come out of the shadows and openly say what they feel on race relations in America>>
In an emotional, fiery post on his blog, The Audacity of Despair, Simon denounced the verdict, saying he was “ashamed to call himself an American.”
**Outside of his television writing, Simon often comments on social issues, and the Martin case stirred up particularly forceful feelings in him. Here’s the entirety of his post:
You can stand your ground if you’re white, and you can use a gun to do it. But if you stand your ground with your fists and you’re black, you’re dead.
In the state of Florida, the season on African-Americans now runs year round. Come one, come all. And bring a handgun. The legislators are fine with this blood on their hands. The governor, too. One man accosted another and when it became a fist fight, one man — and one man only — had a firearm. The rest is racial rationalization and dishonorable commentary.
If I were a person of color in Florida, I would pick up a brick and start walking toward that courthouse in Sanford. Those that do not, those that hold the pain and betrayal inside and somehow manage to resist violence — these citizens are testament to a stoic tolerance that is more than the rest of us deserve. I confess, their patience and patriotism is well beyond my own.
Behold, the lewd, pornographic embrace of two great American pathologies: Race and guns, both of which have conspired not only to take the life of a teenager, but to make that killing entirely permissible. I can’t look an African-American parent in the eye for thinking about what they must tell their sons about what can happen to them on the streets of their country. Tonight, anyone who truly understands what justice is and what it requires of a society is ashamed to call himself an American.”
Strong words. But Simon didn’t stop there. Remarkably, he took the time to address many of the comments following the post. A few highlights:
One commenter chastised him for trying to “fan the flames and incite violence,” to which Simon replied, “You’ve missed the thread of that passage utterly.”
Several others called on Simon to prove that Zimmerman’s actions in shooting Martin were racist. He replied, “I don’t think Mr. Zimmerman is by any necessity a racist. But his calculations and his behaviors were racially motivated.”
In other responses, Simon bemoaned the slippery slope effect — that the Martin case would be the first of many. “The law has changed — and the culture of legal self-defense is changing — in a revolutionary fashion. There will be more of these cases now. Not less.”**
AFTERword..The one thing I’ll speak upon that David Simon said is this ..= “I can’t look an African-American parent in the eye for thinking about what they must tell their sons about what can happen to them on the streets of their country…” >>>>> As a BLACK parent I can say that nothing PAINS me more than the TRUTHS I’ve had to tell my Black sons about what CAN happen to them on the streets of their own country…BUT I’d(and so has my co-parenting partner a/k/a my exhusband/friend) had to tell our sons such awfulNESS; long before Trayvon was murdered. Imagine telling your child to NOT take it personally when/if called the N word? Imagine telling your child NOT to wear certain colors/name brands for fear of being labeled a Black gang member? Imagine telling your child NOT to do ANYthing that could “appear”(like what exactly????) to be aggressive around the police; for fear of getting SHOT! Imagine telling your child that many in your country will HATE you simply based on the color of your skin. Imagine telling your child he WILL work 3-4 times harder than his White Male counterparts; even with all of said child’s degrees. Imagine telling your child that even WITH all of his degrees; odds are he won’t get paid the same as his White Male counterparts. Imagine telling YOUR child there are STILL in the year 2013 parts of his country; that it isn’t safe for him to walk in/drive in/BE in..simply because he is BLACK. Imagine telling your child these things for his own dang good & safety; because YOU love your child soooo much & wish for them to hear the truth from your lips..Just imagine how that makes a parent feel. It is something a parent never forgets/can’t forget. It IS a Black parent’s reality in our country. It’s just the way things are & have always been. The struggle continues…
HERE we are again..Another tainted moment in recent American history that SCREAMS out racial inequality..Another standSTILL moment in time when a vast majority of Black Americans are ANGRY; and in my opinion; rightfully so..This was not a case of it could’ve been right regarding either side’s actions..In this case there is only ONE truth..And Saturday the jury had information withheld from them(in the directions given to them by the JUDGE) that should’ve generated the “Guilty” verdict. Folks that don’t know the Black American experience personally; wonder WHY many Black folks have a bad taste in their mouth for police and the American justice system..Those same Black folks have NOT & can NOT forget the videotaped(thank YOU God) beatdown of Rodney King by a big group of police officers..Those same Black folks may have been profiled “while driving expensive cars with Black skin” and pulled over and terrorized by police officers..Those same Black folks have been on the inside of courts in America; sans expensive high-profile attorneys; and faced sentences far higher than their white counterparts (for same offense; same backgrounds) Many of those same Black folks haven’t forgotten when a Black man could be HUNG ; simply for looking at a White Woman..Yet a VAST amount of Black Americans seem to have (a) either forgotten all of the above & more.. or (b) because they’re too young to recall weren’t taught about it. In recent years there have been accounts of Black men being shot while handcuffed! And later it was said that he shot himself..WtF? I’ll never forget the look on POTUS’s good friend’s (a Harvard professor..) face when HE was arrested! trying to get into his OWN house..The look on his face that mirrored the words, “OMG no matter how much money I make & how lofty a position I hold; I’m still being treated like I’m worthless! ” When any of these gross incidents happen there is an immediate UProar from the Black community..Tons of plans /marches/agenda’s to make progressive changes in advancement of “the struggle” all come about. And then after a quick minute there is then again; silence /lack of unity & COMPLACENCY. How long will it take this time for America; specially Black America, to forget young Trayvon’s death? The clock is ticking. “Tick, tock…”
MY comments? MY feelings as a Black Mother? MY feelings as an American?..I am struggling this morning with trying to don my politically – correct hat on. BUT somehow its a losing battle , even for ME..Because what IS winning out is my sense of what is WRONG and what is RIGHT..And every, single time I look at this baby’s! face splashed across newspapers and websites across our country today?!? I get more and more and more HEARTSICK as each moment passes..I am also a BLACK Mother/Ma/Moms/Momma of three(3) Black sons..I can’t seem to keeeeep the bile from rising UP out of my tummy this morning. I am so usually a content and nothing-to-complain about loving person; but on this DAY? I am struggling to fight the ANGER and the tears just keep filling my eyes UP. Two(2) of my sons wear a hoodie from time to time; what IF that had been one of them walking home??? Would I have been sitting in that courtroom , knowing & feeeeling in my heart of hearts(along with millions! of other Americans) that my son is innocent; only to hear the words, NOT GUILTY, regarding the verdict of his murderer? I’ve so, so tired, nope tyeeeed of this type of backWOODS mentality! Is it now alright to gun down a child! like a dog in the street???? What IF it had been your child? I stood on FAITH that this would not & simply could not happen….
..I thought running to Mass(church) was going to help calm me..BUT I’m still spitting MAD! Especially after standing outside after Mass, in what seemed to be 10,000 degree HEAT, discussing this “situation”. If ANY Black male in America thought they had problems/issues before this day? Pfft that was nothing compared to the problem they’ve got now. IF a price was attached to people..STOCK on Black Males in America just plummeted!!! I thought about putting a disclaimer on any/any of my next comments..BUT I refuseee to keeeeeep apologizing for BEing and LOVING being Black. ONLY in America are a people, namely Black folks!, made to feeeeel as IF they’re wrong to identify/love their color/culture..NO OTHER RACE/COLOR IN AMERICA IS MADE TO FEEL THAT WAY. The even more pathetic thing about that comment? A GREAT DEAL OF BLACK FOLKS COMPLY WITH THAT SENTIMENT EVERY, SINGLE WAKING DAY OF THEIR LIVES IN AMERICA. And I love my country with every ounce of my being. But today? I’m ashamed! of what has been “allowed” to happen in that courtroom. And for those just tuning IN? I’m on the top of a wave of a major RANT; and I’m just getting started. So hang onto to your caps/hats/wigs /& weaves or they might get blown off. As a good friend of mine would say, ” THIS is some BULLshit!”>>
1st things 1st..I believe there are a few FACTS that need to be interjected before I continue..First & foremost the constitution does NOT support that a “victim” have a jury of their peers..Matter of fact it doesn’t support that the “accused ” does either. What is does say though leans more towards the ACCUSED than the VICTIM; regarding a jury of so-called “fairness”.*Sixth Amendment to the United States Constitution*=In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defense..It WAS my belief that Trayvon Martin OR any victim; was due(by the LAW) a jury of their peers..Which in this case would’ve meant at the least a couple of Blacks and at least ONE Male. There were NO Males on the Trayvon Martin jury..and ALL but one of the women were WHITE. Some reading might say race doesn’t matter. I beg to differ race DOES still matter a great deal here in America. For those that still have their heads UP their fanny or eyes closed; have only to recall the highly! NEGATIVE slurs/comments/pictures posted on the Internet of ugly racial funkiNESS/3 ring circus antics of both recent Presidential Elections. IF you didn’t get IT then; let this be your eye-opener. Its time to WAKE UP >>
I wore a Black dress to Mass this morning..I do not like wearing Black. Matter of fact I refused! to have the customary Black 50th birthday party color theme(chose pink instead..) But this morning I donned BLACK on purpose. I’m in mourning..I’m mourning the death of an INNOCENT YOUNG(17 yrs of age..) BLACK MALE. I’m mourning the LOSS of FREEdom here in America. More & more of our civil liberties are being taken away..A country that just celebrated the 4th of July; a day which marks the declaration of independence..Out of the GREAT principles of freedom and justice embodied in the National Declaration of Independence; which ones are in 2013 extended to Black Males? To Black folks in general even? Yea, think about that for a minute..I’ll wait. After pondering that this very morning? The answer I arrive at is nothing to celebrate with fireworks or a BBQ. Year after year WE celebrate a holiday; which in reality doesn’t celebrate US. I’m struggling today ; and trying hard to smile past the tears that are just waiting to drop..I’m afraid today. First & foremost I’m afraid if I start crying I won’t stop>>
Before I wrap this piece up with what I feel is the beginning of the SOLUTION..I’d like to drop a few items regarding this case from folks other than me; including President Barack Obama(His comment was made shortly after Trayvon’s death..) **Even President Obama weighed in a month after the shooting, expressing sympathy for Martin’s family and urging a thorough investigation. “If I had a son,” Obama said, “he’d look like Trayvon.”**
**Saturday night, when the verdict was read, Zimmerman, 29, smiled slightly. His wife, Shellie, and several of his friends wept, and his parents kissed and embraced.** What the heck is he smiling about? He STILL killed another human being! But I guess he smiled because he realized he’d gotten away with MURDER!?! What kind of person is capable of smiling & not feeling remorse for such actions?
**Rachel Jeantel in Trayvon Martin’s words: He said “Get off, get off:” As Martin walked back from the store to the home of his dad’s fiancee, he was talking on the phone with his friend, Rachel Jeantel.
The prosecution’s star witness testified for two days about the final moments of Martin’s life, saying he told her someone was following him. Jeantel’s testimony is key to the State’s case that Zimmerman was the aggressor in the confrontation.
“He said the man kept watching him. He kept complaining that a man was just watching him,” she told jurors.
When Jeantel asked Martin what the man looked like, she said he told her the man “looked creepy.” “Creepy, white — excuse my language — cracker. Creepy [expletive] cracker.”
Jeantel said she heard Martin talking to Zimmerman in the background of the call. “He said, ‘Why are you following me for?’ And I heard a hard-breathing man say, ‘What you doing around here?'”
Jeantel also said she heard a bump from Martin’s headset hitting something and “wet grass sounds.”
“I start hearing a little bit of Trayvon saying, ‘Get off, get off!'” said Jeantel.** Its MY belief that Trayvon fought for his LIFE! And that is why Zimmerman had cuts on his head..I can’t fight/never been in a fight/and I like Trayvon am much smaller than Zimmerman..Yet, I also would’ve fought him off with every ounce of my body. IF anyone was standing their ground in defense in this case? It was Trayvon Martin.
**The teen’s father reacted on Twitter: ‘‘Even though I am broken hearted my faith is unshattered I WILL ALWAYS LOVE MY BABY TRAY.’’
His mother also said on Twitter that she appreciated the prayers from supporters.
‘‘Lord during my darkest hour I lean on you. You are all that I have,’’ she wrote.** (thats a deeeeeop comment that hits me like a ton of bricks)
…I used to think the way to protect my sons; was to raise them with TRUTH. I didn’t mince many words with them..I spoke/speak to them with love; but of the way things ARE. I did lie to them though when I told them that the Easter Bunny existed. I went along with the LIE..I did lie to them though when I told them there was such a thing as a tooth fairy..And I stillll to this day have a tiny felt bag with their tiny teeth that I gave them money for in exchange. It was NOT the tooth fairy sons! I lied to my sons when I went along with the LIE that Santa Clause exists..Which in America that lie has turned the entire celebration of what its supposed to be about(I don’t care if its a run-on sentence..) ; into a big FAT commercial money-making mess. I refuse to continue to keep up lies with the humans I helped to give Life..Truth IS just like Kanye West said & then got blasted it for it; there are MANY people in America that just don’t like Black folks. And never WILL. That is factual. Racism IS not dead in America. For many moons to come my dream for my sons won’t come TRUE; you won’t be judged just based on your OWN merit. And that’s including my eldest son who this coming May will be the first PHD on all sides of my family. As Black MEN my sons will always have to work 3 – 4 times HARDER than their White Male Counterparts. They’ll more than likely get paid LESS. And even though all 3 of my sons are college educated withOUT criminal backgrounds; IF they happen to walk in the wrong neighborhood with a hoodie on? Just might get gunned down like a dog & KILLED. That is my reality as a Black Mother/Ma/Moms/Momma on this day. That is my sons reality on this day and any other Black Male in America. Its not my perception…It IS the way it IS. And we’ve got to stop sugar-coating things/overlooking things/glossing things over. We’ve assimilated SO frigging well WE have forgotten our ROOTS. Family FIRST. And UNITY. And love of all mankind. The violence has got to stop. How many more Black MEN have to die or wind up behind bars for us to get IT? I am proud to be Black. I am proud to be American. I am NOT proud of what happened in that courtroom. Never will be. Its time. Its time for people to stand UP for what is right and just. Things are declining instead of getting better. That is just not progressive folks. WE are moving backwards and with a quickness..As a loving parent I can’t stay quiet and muted. Someone said something today that for a moment gave me clarity and peace..He said mayhaps this is God’s way of making something DRASTIC happen for us to SEE how F’d up and ugly things are? What if there had to be a sacrifice? There are so many what IFs going through my head..What IF that was one of my sons? I’m going to keep thinking that over and over and over again. As positive as I’ve grown to BE; I quite honestly think I’d lose my marbles. TO SIT IN A COURTROOM AND HEAR THE WORDS NOT GUILTY AND SEE THOSE WORDS SPLASHED ON NEWSPAPERS ACROSS AMERICA; FEEEEEELING IN MY HEART OF HEARTS, KNOWING! MY SON WAS INNNOCENT AND GUNNED DOWN LIKE A DOG IN THE STREET??? I say its time for another Civil Rights Movement. Drastic actions call for drastic actions. No different than it was a movement of MANY colors/creeds to get the “right” person in the White House; its time for great change. Nothing changes until something changes. I’ll say that one more time so I can read it..Nothing changes until something changes. Its time. But that’s just the way I see IT. And right now I’m not “seeing” with my eyes; I’m seeing with my heart. Until I write/read y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere Berna(the 1 & only)
AFTERword..Reflection can be a good thing sometimes..BUT today it is not working..I can’t stop thinking about this matter. What truly bothers me? Is as culturally aware & politically savvy as I profess to BE; I was still naive enough to be BAMBOOZLED. Hoodwinked and caught UP believing in OUR JustUS system..Thought we’d prevailed when at the least this case went to trial! IF anyone is keeping UP; at first the city wasn’t even going to press charges on Zimmerman. None. Zilch..So one might just be a little “naive” ; and I’ve got my hand held UP high; to think at that point that there would be consequences for murdering an innocent person. A young 17 yr old person. Alas, having a voice got Trayvon the trial he rightfully deserved..And then BAM the reality of the worst of a Black American’s nightmares came to BE. Not a dayum thing in the form of punishment was done..If nothing else Zimmerman profited from taking a life. And now that he is FREE? Mark my words he’ll write a book & make tons of money. I wish NO ONE buys IT..sadly though that won’t be the case. Zimmerman had tons of supporters; but hopefully not as many as the folks who knew right from wrong. Recently my Pastor Priest spoke about “ownership” of our church..and it comes to mind now regarding our country. The US of A. Aren’t we law-abiding tax-paying HIGH as HECK gasoline paying citizens of this country? Doesn’t that mean that WE should be treated as more than a DOG? Anyone recall when Michael Vicks got JAIL time for so-called animal abuse???? And YET a man can walk free after killing a Black young male..something is funkier than funky with that picture. As tax paying citizens WE have to take ownership rights..We have rights. Right to live freely is one of said rights..In the pursuit of happiness..And I believe that includes being able to BE Black ; even in a predominantly White neighborhood. Zimmerman took ownership of an entire neighborhood! One that he did NOT even own a home in. WOW now that’s cojones! This is our country just as much as the next person ..We deserve the right to sleep well at night; NOT worried that our Black sons can be gunned down just because..What is the next because going to BE? Because someone has had a bad dang day & gets a notion to start killing off Black men? It might sound far-fetched; but so did getting killed armed with skittles a couple of years back…I hope there is a potential next MLK, Jr reading this. And I hope said person is motivated enough to get BUSY.
… …Life is FULL of bloggable moments isn’t it? I said I’d NOT blog this week while away for training; but simply can’t resist! Have you ever been in the midst of a defining moment & had to make a moment’s decision how to proceed? Often times the correct solution , though clear, isn’t an easy choice to make. And! also as often there isn’t but a moment to make such a decision. Last night? I found myself in said situation..I chose to take the path least traveled & actually attempt to seize the moment in to try to TEACH ..And what I felt/feeeeel is a very important lesson, indeed. Whether the person I was trying to “reach” caught the lesson or not; probably won’t be revealed to me..ever. ***COMING SOON the full scoop! I almost made it a FULL week without blogging..Other than this small teaser I left here..And what a week out of state I had! This is but just one of the bloggable events that happened; but certainly one of the highlights that I could hardly WAIT to blog about. So hang onto to your hats/caps/wigs/& weaves I’m back & so ready to share to get your take on this topic…Ready? ***
DISclaimer: Oooops almost forgot to add this..For those that are easily offended by facts; might want to skip this post. For those that don’t mind reading my take on this topic; read on. This is the way I see IT. Moving right along..>>
Now I’d be remiss in not mentioning that this bit of funky news I’m getting ready to deliver? Was but a very SMALL blip on the radar of an otherwise mind-blowing AWESOME week. Almost upon arriving late last Sunday night into Arizona I was making/meeting new friends! The class I was there for had 2 of the most amazing people as facilitators that I’ve ever met. The room full of people I was blessed to get to know; taught me a wealth of info about my new career field. Majority of them far more seasoned in the field than I..I took FULL advantage of their experience and personal accounts of work related tips. I networked/ networked!/ and connected/connected/and feel I made 2 lifelong brand new friends. Mind you I walked into that class NOT knowing a soul..The hotel that hosted our week stay? Top shelf all the way! Breath taking decor and superb customer service..Even so much as an attendant waiting for me every morning with hand-poured soy milk; because I’d requested it the first day at breakfast. WOW now that’s service!! The food in all the spots we ventured out to eat? Fabulous; we tried a new cuisine every single day. And though the weather boasted temps of 106 thru 108; I honestly didn’t feel the full wrath of that until the very afternoon I was departing Arizona. Yesterday…Alright now that I’ve given a fair shake to Arizona; onto the down-right-funky-part>>
..ever notice when the words “I don’t mean to be offensive..” are said; usually means some really FOUL ish is getting ready to be uttered? Well I’ve noticed it a lot in 50 years..Honestly? I’ve also delivered such things myself..And this really happened last week at a well-known(I won’t disclose the name) National chain restaurant..So, duck! cause here it comes>>
So, there we were HUNGRY and ready to order at this well-known National chain spot..We had already had the venture thwarted that we set out on for the night(another long story for another time…) and just wanted to eat and then head back to our hotel. The place was hardly populated and we basically had our waitress to ourselves..Our group of 4 consisted of all women. Of Black and Latina/Hispanic descent..By far I was the eldest; a fact which I feel is well worth mentioning. (might explain why I responded as I did or not..) Anyways, our waitress got pretty comfy with us chatting it UP; and even sat for a bit as we deliberated over what to order. All the while chatting..Somehow! the conversation led to the crime rate in the area..(how we got to that topic is another topic for another time..) I’ve since tried to rationalize why our waitress made the comment she made..She was after all very young, early 20s I’d guess, but appeared to be quite smart. Smart enough NOT to have made the comment she made among a group of people of color. US. But first let me share what she said; and let y’all make the call as to the whys..Ready? >>
…Whoa, wait I got ahead of myself. Forgot to give the quick background info on Arizona! Heres a really fast run-down. **There were several states that resisted making MLK, Jr’s birthday a holiday. Matter of fact some of the Southern states even went as far as to celebrate confederate generals, on purpose!, on the same day. And Arizona? ONLY consented in 1992 to making it a holiday AFTER a TOURIST boycott. Tourists..which means in Arizona the color GREEN isn’t an issue. Or rather they’ll suck down their actual beliefs for money..Or mayhaps thats just the way I see IT. Also take note that Hispanic/Latino accounted for a whopping 30.1% of the population in 2011 in Arizona. Blacks accounted for 4.5% of the population in 2011 in Arizona. And if y’all don’t know the motions the governor, Jan Brewer , has moved forward with regarding illegal immigrants..then you’re really not paying attention to much publicized news in our country. Recently when asked to drop the term @illegal immigrants? This is what Jan Brewer had to say on the topic. And I’m quoting her directly…**Avila pressed her on the subject after she gave her first answer, saying that few people call those with traffic violations “illegal drivers.”
Brewer paused for a moment before reiterating her defense of the term.
“Well I’m sorry but I believe that if you break the law and you’re an illegal immigrant and you’re in this country illegally, that you are an illegal immigrant,” Brewer says. “We know they’re human beings, we know that they’re our brothers and our sisters, but we believe in the rule of law and we can’t afford it and we certainly can’t afford the criminal element, with Arizona having to deal with the drug cartels.”** Moving back to my story>>
There we were, chatting & chopping it UP , and I really liked this young lady’s ease with chatting with strangers. I do that, alot! She had a very , very friendly manner ; and we were all rambling while looking over the menu. Then! out of her mouth flew a comment that horrified me..I didn’t know how to respond at first. Ever had your hair blown back & it rendered you speechless? Well, that’s saying ALOT for me. It’s not often I’m speechless..But I was so taken aback. Wasn’t sure what to say..Honestly? I tried for a brief split-second not to say anything. Was afraid to say something really , really FOUL. I had to count to 10 about 1000 quick times. In my mind. All of a sudden it felt like it was a cazillion degrees ..And we were in an air-conditioned building. My throat got tight. My stomach clenched. I was having a very big mental flashback. To the first time I was called the N word. By a 3-year-old little girl. My friend. And I was approx the same age. On my front steps of my home. With my Daddy listening /over-hearing it inside the house. I was so young then & had NOT heard that word..I innocently later asked my Daddy IF I was that N word…As I listened to what this young lady, our waitress, felt for some reason all I could think IS..OMG she’s so young to feel that way. And certainly she feels it or she’d not have said it, right? Or was she just repeating what she’d been taught? Or over-heard? I’ll never know..But all I did know is I was going to say SOMETHING. I had to..And in my calmest-trying-to-be-gentle-yet-firm-and-trying-to-teach-a-lesson-voice..I said..>>
..lawd! I did it again. Getting ahead of myself. Haven’t yet told y’all what she said! Well what she said WAS (and I’m para-phrasing..) that the areas where the highest CRIME was in the area??? Were limited to only a few certain areas..BECAUSE ‘the illegal immigrants’ had grouped only in those certain ‘areas’..BUT before she said that she did, politely, precede it with ” I don’t mean to say anything offensive, but…” I won’t even lie and say I recall exactly what I said either. What I attempted to say was (and I’m para-phrasing…) that NOT all people who are undocumented immigrants are criminals. I said I’m willing to guess they just came here to work hard like you and me..I also said MANY people came here as immigrants. More than likely even some of YOUR ancestors..Unlike mine who were brought here involuntarily as slaves. (and then later involuntarily meshed “with”; for lack of a better word other than a really ugly word) And then I went on & on until I noticed her mouth had dropped open; and she was trying to apologize. So I stopped talking/preaching. Whether I had the right to say what I said isn’t up for a vote. I said it. Just as she said what she said. Afterwards? When she finally came back to the table …We glossed over it quickly and let it drop. Went back to laughing & chatting…yet WE talked about it more after she was gone. I’ll never know if what I said had a positive impact on her or not. I do know what she said had a definite impact on me. Forever…Isn’t it sad that more than likely folks are still teaching such things to their children? Whats going to happen when the Hispanic population is the MAJORITY? How will those with such a mind-set adapt to that? Why can’t we ALL just learn to learn from one another? Why does ONE group always have to try to black-mark another group in this country? The infamous “they” keeps saying we’ve progressed..Have we? And the last question out of my multiple question set..What would you have done in the same situation? Would you have responded? Or just talked about it when she walked away from the table? What would you DO if something like this happen(s)(ed)? Lets rap…
..For those that know me and/or my treasured regular readers; U already know from reading the title this is going to be a good 1! Never one to disappoint I can promise you its well worth the..wait. ** Waited ALL day to finally B able to write this out. Here I go. Ready? I stay ready so lets dig into this topic>>
…I was conversing with someone recently(and they’ll remain UNnamed..); that I’ve a high regard for. Very..anyways she was saying she hadn’t done something so that “they” (meaning everyone..) wouldn’t be able to say anything negative of her actions..Hmmmm, that infamous they. My first thought? SO WHAT if other people have something to talk about BEHIND your back? First of all, they’re going to do that regardless. There is never a right or wrong way to do anything; that ALL of any given group will agree with. Period. Its just the unspoken LAW of the land. Can’t please all the people all the time ; so guess what I do now at the ripe age(and counting…) of almost 50 yrs old? I STOPPED being a people pleaser. And I usedtoB an awful big people pleaser but problem with that ? I forgot about pleasing or taking care of Self..everyone and I mean everyone else came first. From my sons, my exhusband, parents, my Man, my fiancé, brother, friends, Boss, more friends, strangers, even our family pet! ..When the bottom floor finally fell from under my feet; I didn’t know who the heck I was. That is what can happen when one spends so much time pleasing everyone else first..I lost sight of me. And if it could happen to me back then..well y’all can figure the rest of that riddle . Yep, means it can happen to U also. Real talk for real. Moving right along..>>
Not sure about y’all but I’m so tired, no tyeeeed, of folks saying untruths like ” I’m NOT one to gossip ; BUT…” and then before I can stay STOP..off they go about someone-else’s-business-that-I’m-sure-the-person-thought!-was-confidential-when-they-confided -in-them..First thing wrong with this picture ? THEY ARE,and I don’t care who it is, a LIAR. Because IF they weren’t one to gossip..they’d not be doing IT. Second of all IF you’re going to be a gossip-spreading-HATER; why not just man or woman UP; and admit it? Y’all ever find that the type of folks to deny something from the jump? (& voluntarily..) …are actually admitting quite the opposite of what they’re denying? Is it just me that notices this kind of stuff? I’m not done quite yet…>>
…Last time I checked we only get ONE chance to walk this Life Journey. ONE shot. ONE life to live out loud..This isn’t a trial run. We can’t rewind the tape! Can’t pause it either. Not a monopoly game(oooo I love that game) & we get to go back to start; to re-start. No do-overs. This is IT..so why oh why do we waste so much time, precious time, worrying about what other folks think?!? Pacing our pace or actions based on somebody else’s vision of what our lives should BE? That doesn’t even look right in written word..let alone in real life. Been there , done that and it got me a load of somebody elses’ wishes/dreams/desires/goals. But what about me and mine? And yours? I finally decided when I die & move on to greener pastures..I want my motto to not have been I tried , but, she did IT. And that IT? Anything my heart desires and any goal I think I can stretch high UP on my tippy toes to reach for..My haters? (And everyone on the planet has them…) Can become my audience. I’ll even provide the popcorn. >>
…Honestly at this stage of the game, I gives less than a hot! dang about what other folks think about what I do/what I think/ what I say..And thats the censored version. I think in this life time far too much time is wasted. And a great deal of that wasted time on things WE can’t change. And IF we truly focus on BEing all we were created to B? Sincerely shouldn’t have a moment’s free time..to waste on worrying what others are going to think of our actions/decisions. It has become such a liberating feeling to be spontaneous in forward motion..For me. Without first taking into account what everyone else in my life would think first. Of course there are still a few things I’d like to do I’ll never do. My Daddy would have a fit. Lol, lol! But then again there are some things one should never do or act out. Some things are better left undone or for day dreaming about. It will leave me plenty to do when I reach those greener pastures…Well thats a wrap. Until I read/write y’all again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna *the 1 N only*
Couldn’t resist taking the challenge…Might as well state from the jump my stance on this topic. Call me oldskool; really don’t care what you call me. Because I really AM oldskool..Its what I was taught & its what I see that works for long-term love relationships(wish I’d known what I know now the 2 times I’ve been IN love; but then wouldn’t have been valuable lessons learned..) I do NOT believe money buys happiness. I do NOT believe money can buy LOVE. I do NOT judge a man by the size of his; wallet. I think if a woman puts a pricetag on her love; she is literally SELLING herself short. That IS if she’s a good woman at heart; & putting down what it takes to show a man she sincerely loves him. Exclamation point. Period. In addition, I don’t let a man attach a price tag to my love. Any price he’d attached I’d be offended because I’d think! the price should be higher..Why? Because my love, the Berna experience is priceless(& addictive..I’ve got witnesses ..both of my X’s read my blog..waving!) Y’all ready for this? Here I go..>
Before I dig deeper riddle me this..Any some women may find this offensive; but it IS the way I feel about this topic. *** What IS the difference between a hooker & a woman who pawns off her love for money ?*** Absolutely NOTHING. Nada. Zilch. Zero. Alright, now you know how I really feel about it, moving right along>
I’ve heard all sides of this debate..From women & from men..I’ve heard women barter off their services & their bills ..I’ve heard women date multiple men just to have them each pay on a different bill! Also heard men brag on what they’ve bought for a woman, as IF , that someone equates to love. It doesn’t! Not in my book.. Know why they think that? WOMEN have taught them that. And who taught women that bartering for love is an acceptable thing to do? Often times their own mothers; so it goes on from generation to generation. Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree..Am I EVER glad my Momma never believed in that so she couldn’t teach it to me. >
I know there are women who won’t date men that don’t make a certain amount of money..I know there are women who it matters what type of car a man drives…They’re seeking the highest bidder; exchanging what is so called love for money. Is that love though?! Or is it just another form of being a hooker? I think I’ve made it clear what my answer is to that. Hooker mentality ALL day long. Just because its sugar coated; doesn’t change it from what it is..Least that is the way I see it>
Having said all of the above I’ve been spoiled ..I’ve been surprised with gifts when I didn’t anticipate them; NOR have I ever asked for any. One time myexhusband made a path of rose petals; with gifts along the way as I walked down the path. Awwwwww..that was not too long after I’d given birth..and I was feeling anything but sexy. And THAT was one of the best Valentine Days ever..Memories are very sweet; but it was never a requirement. What I’ve lived is when a man loves a woman; he will buy gifts to show her that. And although thats all good when deserved; what matters the most to me? Corny as it sounds to some; TIME spent. To me love is measured by HOW a man treats me; and that he’ll give his time to spend with me. Nothing can compare to quality time …>
So this is how I feel about women marrying for love or money..IF you marry for love; do NOT be shocked when you’ve got to DO unheavenly things. As a paid woman..well , I’ve leave y’all to fill in that blank. I don’t want to know what it feels like to be a paid woman! I also can’t imagine how a man feels to be just a big wallet to his woman..that is certainly one thing my “the one” won’t have to worry about.
I had no intention of writing on this topic. At all. Not now..and NOT for a while. I’m not ready to write about it. Or talk about IT. And then yesterday a friend of mine told me something SO horrific; that it rocked my very SOUL..When she shared it I was able to honestly say ; I don’t know anyone personally who that has happened to! …Then , later , on my way home my mind wouldn’t let it go…I began to think of the awful VIOLENCE in our country..Is it at an all ALL time high?!? Or has there always been so many accounts of violence; but it didn’t hit close enough to home to affect me as it did today…..I couldn’t figure out WHY I couldn’t stop! thinking about a person who I had never even met. By time I got home I’d figured out why my mind wouldn’t let it go…My friend’s friend was a victim of VIOLENCE that she’d tried to get away from. I couldn’t mentally let it go because I’d once been a VICTIM of something horrific also. So awful that only a handful of people on earth know…so long ago backintheday. Yet, still fresh enough below the surface , because I was silenced…By my youth. By my pain. By my ignorance of what caused IT. By my shame. NO woman should be silenced by VIOLENCE. Silence is fuel that keeps it alive..**Warning: This topic isn’t for the squeamish**
^I’ve got to be honest; as is my style..All day long I tried to convince myself NOT to go forth with this piece tonight(because I know its going to take alot out of me emotionally to release this in such a public forum;this isn’t easy by far even for me)..I lost that battle of weighing the reasons why I should vs. why I should not..So here I go. *deep breath* First things first. I am a Feminist. Exclamation point. Period. Nope, that does NOT mean I hate men. Quite! the contrary. Just means I’m down for & in support of an equal playing field for women. And that still hasn’t come about totally; but that is another topic for another time>
I think I’ll try something different ..I’m going to attempt to paint a picture to better explain why I feel SO strongly about VIOLENCE against women..at this point might be the only way I’m going to be able to do this…
**Now, hold onto that thought for just one minute..that is my herstory of long ago..now onto the event my friend shared with me yesterday; that forced my mind(triggered) to broach this topic & to speak OUT…
A few more stats on rape/sexual assaults on women in the U.S.=
More than 61.5% of rapes are never reported to law enforcement.(mine wasn’t)/Nearly 6 out of 10 happen at the victim’s home(my assailant broke into my parents home long ago..)/An American woman is 10 times more likely to be raped; than to die in a car crash(that is a deeeeep stat folks!)/61% of all rape victims are under the age of 18(I was only 17 & my chastity among other things was stolen..)/1 of every 7 women currently in college has been raped; 9 out of 10 raped on campus won’t ever report it/Every 45 seconds someone in the U.S. is sexually assualted…Now on to the rest of the story..>
Yesterday a friend told me she’d just found one of her friends was murdered..I’d never had anyone I knew tell me anyone they knew had been murdered! I was horrified; and to make matters worse(as IF)..the murderer was her ESTRANGED husband. A man she had 6 children with..A man she’d left this state to get away from..A man she’d been trying to get away from…THIS is the stuff horror stories are made of; real life horror stories. Its no small wonder why I don’t watch scary movies or cover my eyes if I happen to “try” to put on my big girl pants and watch one. There is NO need with all of the violent things happening ..Immediately into my mind popped UP a cazillion questions. WHY did she stay long enough with this type of person to have 6 children??? WHY did it take her so long to run?! WHY didn’t she speak out/scream OUT/run to the police?! Report IT? WHY didn’t her family rescue her & her children? Did she even tell her family? All of those questions reminded me of things I’d long dealt with emotionally & tucked away..though the invisible scars will never allow me to close my heart to hearing such atrocities..>
Every 9 seconds a woman in the U.S. is beaten or assaulted/Domestic violence is the LEADING cause of injury to women; more than car wrecks & muggings & rapes combined!(thats a heavy thought..)/Studies show that up to 10 million children witness some form of domestic violence annually/92% of women listed reducing domestic violence & sexual assault as their top concern(OMG & wth? is going on???)/Domestic violence victims lose nearly 8 million days of paid work per year in the US alone—the equivalent of 32,000 full-time jobs(WOW)/Nearly 1 in 5 teenage girls who have been in a relationship said a boyfriend threatened violence or self-harm if presented with a breakup(THIS has got to STOP & is beyond insane)/Everyday in the US, more than three women are murdered by their husbands or boyfriends(more than 3 is far too MUCH..death is final..WHY can’t the man just accept its OVER and divorce or walk away?? )
**The concept of ‘I can’t have you ; so NO ONE else will’ is something many a woman has heard before..BUT in one’s wildest nightmares you’d not imagine that meant he’d kill you..Truth IS for a man to even utter those words OR to threaten a woman is totally! unacceptable..Women have got to learn the signs of a person who is capable of such things. Personally? I don’t stick around long, at all!, by a person who escalates quickly in anger..BIG red flag ladies & instant deal-breaker..RUN before it even gets to a point of dating; and IF you’re truly lucky his true colors will show that early. RUN. No one can change anyone; which is a big mistake alot of women think or feel. It takes a lifetime for some of us to change things we’re perfecting ourselves..So how in the heck can anyone change someone else?!? You can’t is the answer..Great self esteem is a key factor in all of this..or least thats the way I see it. A woman who has good self esteem will simply NOT accept abusive behavior. And for the record women a controlling or jealous man is NOT cute. It is a sign of far more potentially dangerous things..RUN. Walking or running; might just save your life. I can only pray anything I shared here tonight helps/saves someone. Sharing is caring & I care. Deeply. Until I write/read ya’ll again stay UPlifted & blessed. 4ever sincere, Berna(the 1 & only)